In this interview, Roxanne, a trans woman, opens up about her personal journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and living authentically. Her story is one of struggle, fear, and ultimately, empowerment, offering a deeply personal perspective on the challenges and triumphs of transitioning.

Roxanne’s realization that she was trans came at a young age. “I was 8,” she recalls. “There were signs earlier, but the first time I actually figured out I wanted to be a girl was when I was 8.” This realization happened as she played dress-up with her sister, wearing dresses from a Disney princess clothing box. “I didn’t know what being trans was at the time, I just wanted to be a girl,” she says, acknowledging that, while it may seem like a stereotypical childhood moment for trans women, it meant a lot to her. It was the beginning of her self-awareness.

However, it wasn’t until later, at age 15, that Roxanne began to embrace her identity fully. “I stopped repressing,” she explains. “I spent years not being genuine, and it was pretty bad.” Puberty had a significant impact on her, intensifying the inner conflict she felt. “Once puberty hit, I started repressing even more,” she shares. “It was awful.” Puberty and the societal expectations that come with it, especially for boys, felt suffocating to her. “The ‘man code’ was something I just couldn’t fit into. I felt like an outsider, and I didn’t know how to navigate it.” It wasn’t just the physical changes, but the pressure to act a certain way that weighed heavily on her.

It was a painful experience for Roxanne. “A guy called me a fag and told me no one wanted me around because of the way I acted,” she recalls. “That was crushing. It made me feel like I’d never be able to be myself, and it felt like I was stuck.” Still, despite these painful experiences, Roxanne began to find a sense of relief when she stopped pretending. “It took a weight off my shoulders. Being true to myself felt like the right thing, but it didn’t feel great at first. It was more like when you do something you know is right, but you haven’t yet seen the outcome.”

An unexpected moment of clarity came from an unlikely source: the Boy Scouts. “I forever despise them, but it was when I saw the news about trans people being allowed in the Scouts that I realized I wasn’t alone,” Roxanne says. A conversation with her grandmother, who expressed disdain for trans inclusion, was a pivotal moment. “It was the first time I realized there were other people out there who felt the way I did.”

Despite this moment of recognition, Roxanne admits that fear still controlled much of her early journey. “Once I realized what being trans meant, I was afraid of what my future would look like. I didn’t know if I could ever transition or if people would accept me.” She reflects on how, for a long time, she simply didn’t understand the concept of being trans. “As a kid, you just do your thing. But as I got older, I realized that the world around me saw things differently, and that scared me.”

Roxanne’s journey wasn’t just about figuring out who she was; it was also about navigating a world that didn’t always welcome her authenticity. “It was hard, especially being a trans teen,” she admits. “I felt like I was living my life behind a one way mirror. I could talk, but no one saw me.” But as time passed, things began to improve, both internally and externally. “Being true to myself feels right now. It doesn’t feel amazing all the time, but it feels like the right thing. The fear and uncertainty haven’t completely gone away, but I’m not letting them stop me anymore.”

The physical and emotional transformation that followed was both rewarding and challenging. “I started to look better. I used to look like a gargoyle with a beard and a mullet,” she laughs. “But the most rewarding part was being more outgoing, building a support network, and gaining confidence.” Roxanne’s journey also included developing a sense of style, saving money, and making life plans—all of which helped her move forward. “I’ve learned a lot, and even though things still get worse sometimes, I’m in a better place now.”

Looking back on her path, Roxanne sees the value in authenticity, even when it’s difficult. “It’s alright now. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be, but I’m doing the right thing. I’m learning to live my truth, and that’s what matters.” She shares a poignant message for others who might be struggling with their own identities. “Don’t kill yourself. Transitioning is hard, it’s expensive, and it takes time, but the only way to see it through is to be there to do it,” she says. “If I can do it, then so can you.”

Roxanne’s story is one of resilience and courage, a testament to the transformative power of self-acceptance. Her experience offers hope to anyone facing similar struggles, serving as a reminder that, though the journey may be difficult, living true to oneself is worth every step.